I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
