she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
