Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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