Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
