Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
