If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
