At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
as a side note pls kill me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
