no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
