rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize