I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
