i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize