Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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