Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
