i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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