i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
