Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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