you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
