My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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