I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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