epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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