It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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