My room smells like vodka and shame
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
