I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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