i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
