Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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