He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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