those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pants are for mortals
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
