Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
