i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
