So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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