So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
