plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
