I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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