Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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