I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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