You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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