Ambien. No doubt about it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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