And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
