Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
