like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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