Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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