there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
