she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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