we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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