i love accidental penises.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
