Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
