I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
