i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
