im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
