this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
