Buhtt sex?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
