Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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