these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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