Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
