it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
