nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
