Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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