in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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