i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
