Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
