The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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