Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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