you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize