coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
