he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
