Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
