No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
