I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
