why do cheetos always look like penises
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
this hospital has no fireball
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
