he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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