that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
