I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I will pee on everything he values.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
