New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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