I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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