I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize