forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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