oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I deserve this hangover.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
