We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize