alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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