Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The Olympian is in my bed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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