Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
