I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
