Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
