went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
