So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
