Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
