At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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