I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
