These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
