why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
