I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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