Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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