dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
