i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
