sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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