Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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