call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
