Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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