Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
