Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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