but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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