i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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