You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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