Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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