Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
