i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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