i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
