we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
