He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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