Sponge bath it is.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
