spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
