I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
