These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I sprained my soul last night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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