I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
