i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
