dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
